Dolly Is One Funny Gal
A huge part of being a successful music artist lies in how good you are at entertaining a crowd. This is an art that Dolly Parton has perfected over the course of her many years in show business.
In addition to being recognized for her signature voice and creative songwriting, Parton is also known for her witty sense of humor. Her “no filter” personality means that she says exactly what’s on her mind, and it turns out that Parton’s mind contains some pretty hilarious thoughts!
Sometimes without even meaning to, Parton has made us laugh until our sides hurt with her hysterical statements and one-liners. If you’re in need of a good laugh today, then look no further. We’ve gathered up ten of Parton’s most hilarious quotes that will tickle your funny bone and make you laugh like never before!
1. When She Talked About Her Early Performances
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Parton is a real life Cinderella story, as her life embodies the saying “rags to riches.” She grew up in poverty in rural Tennessee with lots of brothers and sisters, and times were often hard for her family.
But Parton had dreams bigger than the tiny cabin she grew up in, and those dreams eventually took her to country superstardom. She later sang about her humble upbringing in a song you may know…”Coat of Many Colors.”
In her autobiography Dolly: My Life And Other Unfinished Business, Parton humorously wrote about her early audiences when she first started singing:
“I was so desperate to perform that on more than one occasion I sang for the chickens and the pigs and ducks. They didn’t applaud much, but with the aid of a little corn, they could be counted on to hang around for a while.”
2. When She Talked About Her Dreams Of Fame
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Parton has always expressed her love of food. She’s a huge fan of home cooking, and has even shared her chicken and dumplings recipe that she loves.
When Parton was growing up and thinking about being famous some day, she had some pretty big expectations about the type of food she’d be able to eat as a major country star. Writing about these dreams in her autobiography, Parton had a hilarious way of describing the fact that they came true:
“I used to think that when I became a star, I would have candy and cakes and pies any time I felt like it. One need only look at the width of my butt in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas to know that I kept that promise to myself, at least for a while.”
3. When She Talked About Dieting
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As someone who loves food, yet is under constant pressure to look perfect, Parton tried many diets over the years. But as she’s said herself, her passion for food always seemed to win out over even the most popular diets.
Writing in her autobiography about the different diets she tried throughout her life, Parton had the perfect way of describing how she felt about them:
“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
4. When She Talked About Her Wigs
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Parton has sported quite the array of hairstyles over the years, made possible thanks to her vast collection of wigs. She’s never been shy about the fact that the hair you see isn’t her real hair, and openly talks about and discusses her favorite wigs.
Still, there are some people that don’t know that Parton wears wigs. Because of this, they think that all of her elaborate hairstyles are created from her own hair. She wrote about these types of encounters in her autobiography, and her response to these people is gold:
“Everybody always wants to know, ‘How long does it take to do your hair?’ How should I know? I’m never there.”
5. When She Talked About Being A “Dumb Blonde”
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Speaking of hair, one of Parton’s famous one-liners has to do with the color of her hair. As a blonde, Parton often finds herself the subject of many “dumb blonde” jokes. But as it turns out, none of these jokes bother her, and her reason why is hysterical.
Parton has uttered this quote or a similar one many times before, but she was quoted as saying it during an interview with Evening Standard:
“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I know I’m not blonde.”
6. When She Spoke About Her Signature Look
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Parton is known for her larger-than-life personality and appearance. Not only does she sport big, elaborate hairstyles, but she dresses to the nines with high heels, fake fingernails, and rhinestone outfits.
Many have tried to imitate Parton’s signature look, but no one can duplicate it. Yet another one of Parton’s most famous (and hysterical) quotes is when she described her own sense of style, as she did during her Evening Standard interview:
“It costs a lot to look this cheap.”
7. When She Talked About How Much She Loves Makeup
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Since Parton enjoys getting dolled up, she literally would not be caught dead without makeup on. She once described the only instance that she would let someone see her without makeup, but that “someone” is her husband, Carl Dean, and no one else.
News.com in Australia had a list of Parton’s best quotes, referencing the one she said about make up in particular:
“The only way I’d be caught without make-up is if my radio fell in the bathtub while I was taking a bath and electrocuted me and I was in between make-up at home. I hope my husband would slap a little lipstick on me before he took me to the morgue.”
8. When She Talked About Her Famous “Assets”
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Anyone who knows anything about Parton knows that she gets a fair deal of attention for something other than her music. Rather than ignore the elephant in the room, Parton often addresses her famous assets and has a good laugh with herself about it.
News.com in Australia quotes Parton as once describing her signature assets in the funniest way possible:
“These are my weapons of mass distraction.”
9. When She Talked About Them Again…
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Parton has some of the most hysterical ways of discussing her body, particularly her most well-known assets. Referencing how some women would burn their bras as a form of protest, News.com in Australia cites a particularly amusing quote from Parton:
“I was the first woman to burn my bra — it took the fire department four days to put it out.”
10. When She Talked About Competing In The Olympics
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On the day of the opening ceremony for the the 2016 Olympics, Parton shared a video on her Facebook page in honor of the event. She revealed what Olympic sport she thinks she would be the best at, and her answer may surprise you.
Parton said she thought she’d be the best at swimming, which probably leaves you wondering, “huh?” But when you hear her (hilarious) reason why, you’ll completely understand:
“If I was in the Olympics, people have asked me what I would be. I think probably I’d have to be a swimmer, cause I’ve got that breaststroke down pretty good,” she said with a wink and a giggle.
Oh Dolly! Thanks for the laughs, and for just being you!